留学文书个人陈述写作技巧

来源:快飞出国留学 浏览:1216 发布日期:2022-05-17 16:32:00

与高考作文一样,文书写作的开头非常重要,这是招生官能否被成功吸引,在你的个人陈述上多停留几秒的决定因素。所以,想要写好留学文书,对开头段的精心打磨必不可少。这里向大家分享三篇优秀的PS开头段,一起学起来。


Physics with Maths Personal Statement

Enrolled University: Cambridge University

The nobility of physics together with my aspiration to explore natural phenomena mathematically and to formulate theories that govern them has changed my perception of reality and this has made me ponder difficult questions. What is the history of the Universe? What is quantum entanglement? What is the string theory? I am intrigued by the implication of Quantum theory and the elegant significance of Relativity theory. For me, Physics is the key to the survival of the human race which makes me want to immerse myself in this discipline.

这是一份被剑桥录取的PS,也是典型的英式学院派风格。看到开篇第一句话,首先给人的印象就是:

这个学生的写作水平很高(GRE长难句有没有!);
说明了自己有学习该专业的背景(made me ponder difficult questions——有前面学习的基础才会开始思考更难的问题);
接下来,作者抛出了几个问题。该作者展现了深厚的论文功底,这种写法是现在国际上非常流行的论文写作方式:第一二句呈上(先前研究成果)启下(带出本论文的研究内容),抛出问题,勾起读者的兴趣。当然,这几个问题并不是随意抛出,而是有目的性地提出问题。这种写法大家可以学习,在以后的学术写作生涯中也能用到。回到本文中,作者提出的几个问题是:

宇宙的历史到底是什么?
quantum entanglement是什么?(估计物理要学到一定程度才会接触到这种东西)
有心的同学可以去查查看,这几个问题是不是当今物理界最热门的话题?但作者并没有提出更具体的问题,比如就string theory中的某个难点来进行探讨。这是因为在PS中不需要写得太过具体,这不是RP,不需要一个深入的研究。只要让读者了解到你在思考这些其他人没有思考过的问题,对专业有主动深入思考的动机和激情即可。此外,PS写得太过具体,很容易将自己打入死角。万一申请的学校或学院对你所称述的问题不感兴趣?这也是得不偿失。

回到本文,在提出问题之后,作者没有马上做出解释,而是再深入地说明了他对物理的兴趣在于量子理论和相对论。(语言之优美:intrigued by、the elegant significance of…这不是变向地拍教授马屁吗?)

最后一句升华主题:For me, Physics is the key to the survival of the human race which makes me want to immerse myself in this discipline.

看了剑桥的PS,大家可以反思一下自己,反思一下你的专业。在写PS之前可以大量查阅论文和专业书籍,然后再去写自己的PS。

A Young Voice for Seniors

Enrolled University: MIT

November 23, two years ago: Thanksgiving. My mom and I celebrated the holiday as we had done for the last three years—by delivering turkey dinners to homebound senior citizens. After carrying the food to their kitchens, our brief visits with them were filled with laughter, hugs, and the sharing of family photo albums. In the midst of all the warmth and vitality, though, I couldn’t help noticing the signs of loneliness and isolation: the windows with dust suggesting they hadn’t been open in ages, the faded Christmas cards from 1995, and the tables with a single place setting. It was during these visits that I committed to find a way to better connect with the seniors in my community.

这是一篇被MIT录取的PS,也可以说是一篇典型的美式PS,可以深刻体会到英式和美式在PS方面的各种不同。美国人喜欢将故事,将发生在自己身上真实的经历、真实的想法等“讲”给读者。这种开头段的好处在于:每一个故事都十分独特,读者可以像读小说那样很轻松地将你的文章看下去,整篇的结构和逻辑十分流利。

比如在该文中,作者从某一个感恩节开始叙述她和妈妈如何庆祝节日。但在这个平凡的节日中她又有了哪些不一样的心得体会(I couldn’t help noticing the signs of loneliness and isolation),以及在这些心得体会中她又有了什么不一样的想法。(I committed to find a way to better connect with the seniors in my community.)

而美国人喜欢这种以小见大的论调,在平凡中展示出作者的不平凡。比如这一篇开头段,作者最后一句总结了她的新想法,那么接下来的段落一定是围绕这个想法展开的一些实践。读者就会对她的行为和更进一步的心里活动产生好奇。

再举个栗子:

Dear Santa

Enrolled University: Princeton University

Every year, my Christmas wish list would read, “Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a baby brother.” At age nine, I knew Santa had to be real because, one day, my mom announced that she was pregnant. After ten years of being an only child, I could not have anticipated how much my life would change because of a little brother. I received the honor of naming him, and I chose Jason. In retrospect, I should have named my brother “Ivan the Terrible.”

读到最后一句是不是差点笑出来?这篇文章也是叙事性的开头,讲述了自己的愿望,但最后一句来一个大反转。更是吊足了读者的胃口,相信审核老师也十分愿意耐着性子将这篇文章读完。

分析了这三篇PS的开头段,希望大家在PS的写作过程中摆脱那些固有的思维和陈词滥调,换一种视角来看待自己,看待你的专业和这个世界。PS的写作不仅是为了完成申请学校的要求,更是重新认识自己的一个契机。而每一篇申请上名校的PS无疑是经过几番精心雕琢。所以PS的写作要趁早,给自己多一些的时间进行修改。

推荐阅读